I just need to vent. Tell me if im being neurotic and over reacting... Am I making the right choice?
I am finally seriuly thinking about leaving my live in boyfriend of 4 years. Tonight was the last straw. He told me yesterday that he might go out with one of the reps at his company at some big bar for this guys b-day... he wanted to "role solo", in his words.. cool with me, we see each other every day. But he told me today he does not really want to go, and he probably won't. I go to work out, and im gone for 30 minutes and he is gone. No note, no nothing! I call him and he tells me he woke up from his nap and just decided he was bored and he wanted to go to the bar. Fine by me.. although I was a little ticked at the fact that he could not even tell me goodbye, he knew where I was! At the apartment complex gym! He told me he will be home in and hour or 2 (at 6pm). He has a problem with liquor, so now all he does is beer, but he drank liquor for the first time last night in a while... maybe opened up pandoras box? because normally when he is just doing beer he is home soon, but it is now almost midnight and no sign of him. Not even a phone call, or a text message. I have called him numerous times becuase I am worried about him drinking and driving, but he does not answer and does not call me back. I text him and told him that I am pretty much done. I have been dealing with this crap for a while. I have gained a little weight that I am trying to work off, and he is on this kick that I need to weigh 118 lbs, and I am 5'8! I want to be at 130, but he disagrees. I work part time because I am a full time student trying to get accepted into nursing school, and a lot of the times he tells me whenever we have an argument that I bring nothing to the table because I make less than him. He also tells me that he can do better than me and that when he goes out alone, he has attractive, successful girls hitting on him all the time and he wonders why he is with me. Never appologies because somehow I brought it on myself... That is why I am so pissed that he is not answering his phone now! I have no trust in him. I am not even attracted to him. When he wants to be intimate, he will say stuff like "put ur lips around my cock", or "i wanna tare that pussy up"... just stuff that is not even romantic. It is hard to even lay in the bed with him without him trying to grope me and say "Oooh, I love your tits!!! Wanna fuck?"!!!!!! Ugh! I live 8 hours away from my family so the only thing that is holding me back is the drive, and the fact that I have 2 lovely cats that I cannot take with me. We can't even really sit down and talk without having an argument. I feel like I have to agree with everything he says or I will get made to feel like shit. I am just an angry bitch right now! Also, I recently cosigned on a truck for him becuase his credit is shit. And now that is hanging over my head. He is not physically abusive, just not mentally attached to me it seems. Whenever I have a bad day at work, and want to talk about it, there are times where he will say stuff like "Your day does not compare with mine.. I have real problems, you work part time, how big can your problems be?" He does not like my family really because they don't have much money, therefor he does not think they are worth shit to him because they aren't in the position to help us out, and in his eyes becuase I am the one bringing him down, they should send lots of money. I go to school 14 credit hours. I did work a full time job that allowed me to do my homework on the job, but because I was not busy enough at my job he basically made me feel so bad about it that I quit. The economy is so bad that the only thing I have been able to find is part time, so I filled the rest of my time with classes, so now I am stuck until May when the classes are over. Then sometimes he will say "Just work on getting your ursgin degree, that is how you can help us out the most"... My head is just spinning right now. I am at a crossroads. I don't know what to say to reach him, and make him feel as if my opinions and feelings matter...
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I am sorry that I barely found this article, I am big fan of reading about real problems rather then one liners that people put on there so here is my two cents, but hopefully you won't need this and you will be able to go on with your life HAPPILY! First the alcohol, that is a problem and him not drinking is something he knows is an addiction, that sucks because when the first drink comes its over. It becomes the next drink and then the next drink. Before you know it, it has become the addiction all over again. Verbal Abuse... Your confidence will be nothing very soon. Absolutely nothing. This type of abuse reminds me of a southern movie or something about a woman coming to empowerment. The reason I say that is because you are no longer treated as a princess or even loved like one. I am a male and trust me I have my cravings. Not every part of intercourse is making love HOWEVER every time you both do this, its not even close. Every time he is living a porno with foul language. Your body is sacred and special... He does not respect you in the least bit, he believes that you are well beneath him. (There to SERVICE to him.) For what ever reason, to boost up his ego, to make himself feel superior, or just to be the so called "Man" either the case it is wrong. Plane and simple wrong. You are worth way more then what you are given credit for. You are the submissive person in the relationship and usually there is nothing wrong with that. Having to dominate people often times creates greater conflict but can be very fun at the same time. Your case he has beat you down so far that you words shocked me. " I feel like I have to agree with everything he says or I will get made to feel like ****." So you are saying that its totally ok not to have an opinion any longer, you are saying as living person you can't think for yourself. He is selfish, he is unappreciative. I promise you this will escalate even though you say that there is no physical abuse, but trust me there is. Abuse is present. I am sure you are thinking about his good qualities to justify him. But all you are doing is saying that it is ok. I am sure things started out great, love etc... They do not exist any longer. Finally, your question... Is there a way to reach out to him? Yes, leave... That's the only way he will understand the severity of the issue. You need take accountability because at this point you have said that its ok for him to tell you all of these horrible things and at this point you are changing your ways where this type of behavior is not going to be tolerated! (Accountability is means to understand where failed, however this isn't justifying his actions by any means.) Good luck and you are welcome to email me at anytime as a friend to talk to. ADAM
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