Is this relationship worth it?
Been engaged for 2 years to a man who has serious financial obligations to his ex and children. I like his kids but feel as though I can no longer pay half of our household bills, he makes about 4 times what I do. I'm a full time student and I work but it is not enough money. I'm tired of being left alone untill 10 every night. For the last year I took care of his elderly father who recently went into a nursing home- because I'm no longer doing this he says he can no longer subsidize my cell phone and 40 buck a week health insurance. I know his kids come first but should he cut me a break on the cell phone and insurance untill I finish school in 2 years? I feel as though 100 percent of my income is going to our house. I have a child who lives with us that I support entirely but with my income I cant subsidize his kids to. He pays there rent, tuition, books, utilities on apartment, and the ex 2200 a month- altogether he pays out about 65,000 a year which leaves us with little and my child really poor. Should I move into a cheap affordable appartment and go solo? Before you bash me and say we are not married keep in mind I pay half the house expenses on a house that I dont own and never will also I spent the last year taking care of an 86 year old man with alzheimers his father and it was not easy. I'm really glad his kids have no struggles financially but mine does.
Other - Family & Relationships - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
i think you may have to have a discussion with your fiance about this. But if the problem has reached a point where you feel that he gives more attention/money to his ex and kids maybe you should just tell him your moving out until you finish school or he can figure out what is important remember don't burn bridges just close them for maintenance
2 :
If I were you I wouldnt do it he is just being cheap and probably using you for you money so he dont have to spend his
3 :
This is where I stopped reading: "For the last year I took care of his elderly father who recently went into a nursing home- because I'm no longer doing this he says he can no longer subsidize my cell phone and 40 buck a week health insurance." Ok ... I'm not going to mince words or sugar coat this ... just so you know before you read: Your guy is a creep. He's a selfish, self-centered, tightwad JERK. I will now finish reading the rest of your post ... but I doubt I'll read anything to change my mind. Nope. I didn't read anything that's changed my mind. Your guy is being totally ridiculous to split hairs over money, when he makes 4 times what you do, and when he can CLEARLY SEE that you're struggling. What kind of cretin treats a woman like that? He doesn't respect you. He doesn't love you. Your kid is watching you and learning from you, how to be treated by a man. This is BAD right now. There's nothing positive I can say about any of this, hon. As tough love ... I have to tell you that you've made a mess out of this, and it kills me to say it. I KNOW that you're doing the best you can, and that your heart is in the right place ... but good intentions aren't the point here. You have to extricate yourself out of that house A S A P. You ran yourself ragged taking care of his father, and THIS IS HOW HE THANKS YOU !?!! HE'S A CREEP !!! What is so loving, tender, sweet, romantic and admirable about a guy who treats you like he's treating you? He doesn't RESPECT YOU !! You're not equals - he sees you AND TREATS YOU as someone beneath him in stature and income - and that's just sad. Basically ... he's a snob, and he's treating you like the hired help. Do whatever it takes, but get out. No this relationship isn't worth saving. Spend NOT ONE MORE DOLLAR on anything that doesn't involve taking care of yourself and your kid. Give him NOTHING. N o t h i n g. I know that your self-respect is around there somewhere ... make sure you figure out where he hid it, and take it BACK before you leave. I know ... some of this was harsh, but it's no worse than HOW HE IS TREATING YOU ! I just smacked you over the head with it. You probably didn't want to see it, but you have to, hon. *big hug* and best of luck to you
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Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
What Can i do in this spot
What Can i do in this spot?
After a year of carin ( basically solo ) for my mom with cancer ( gave up my menial job shut off few social contacts ) on fri i apparenly fell apart dont remember much but she was put in a nursing home wo my consent Apperantly i am deemed a nut job cant see her suddenly out of state family ( who mean well and have done what they can ) and 9-5 so called profesionals ( jerkoffs the lot of them ) are in charge and i am just here with nothin waitin for scumbag lawyers to come and take our house while mom rots somewhere
Mental Health - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
What I suggest you do is to search for your mother so that you may visit her, search for a job over the internet or look for advice from someone in order to save your home, unless they are going to use the funds to pay for your mothers care. But focus most of your efforts on the job search because you are going to need that money in future and you need to start thinking and caring more for yourself. It is hard when these things happen to us and I know what you are going through as it happened with my parents too. But your mother wouldnt want you to suffer and she would want you to continue on with your life as best you can.
2 :
There is some law about if a parent is in a nursing home, their home may not be taken away from them. Try to talk to someone that specializes in the elderly or with people in nursing homes. Maybe a social worker at the hospital that was treating your mom can give you advice along these lines. I am sorry for all the stress you have put up with. I hope you will be feeling better again soon. Please take care of yourself.
3 :
are you your mothers legal guardian? if so you have every right to go and take her back home as long as you can care for her. You need some counseling I take care of my disabled daughter 24/7 and I know how hard it is mentally and physically. If your not her legal guardian you should go to court and get it that way no one can tell you what to do concerning her as for your house you can go to the bank and refinance it that will save you from loosing it. Best of luck to you hope these suggestions help you out alittle bit I am really sorry to hear of your troubles I am not a Dr but if you need someone to talk to email me I will do whatever I can to help you out friend. Gentle hugs
4 :
he jade dude , i really just wanted to say i really sympathise with you right now, my heart goes out to you , i pray you get through this, im struggling like fck myself at the moment , my muums ill, cant get around or be supportive like she once was , im isolated and alone in life ....even though your 3,000 milesaway i know im not alone , because your there to, i hope the best for you and this unfair shhty situation sorts itself out, im with you dude, best regards
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After a year of carin ( basically solo ) for my mom with cancer ( gave up my menial job shut off few social contacts ) on fri i apparenly fell apart dont remember much but she was put in a nursing home wo my consent Apperantly i am deemed a nut job cant see her suddenly out of state family ( who mean well and have done what they can ) and 9-5 so called profesionals ( jerkoffs the lot of them ) are in charge and i am just here with nothin waitin for scumbag lawyers to come and take our house while mom rots somewhere
Mental Health - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
What I suggest you do is to search for your mother so that you may visit her, search for a job over the internet or look for advice from someone in order to save your home, unless they are going to use the funds to pay for your mothers care. But focus most of your efforts on the job search because you are going to need that money in future and you need to start thinking and caring more for yourself. It is hard when these things happen to us and I know what you are going through as it happened with my parents too. But your mother wouldnt want you to suffer and she would want you to continue on with your life as best you can.
2 :
There is some law about if a parent is in a nursing home, their home may not be taken away from them. Try to talk to someone that specializes in the elderly or with people in nursing homes. Maybe a social worker at the hospital that was treating your mom can give you advice along these lines. I am sorry for all the stress you have put up with. I hope you will be feeling better again soon. Please take care of yourself.
3 :
are you your mothers legal guardian? if so you have every right to go and take her back home as long as you can care for her. You need some counseling I take care of my disabled daughter 24/7 and I know how hard it is mentally and physically. If your not her legal guardian you should go to court and get it that way no one can tell you what to do concerning her as for your house you can go to the bank and refinance it that will save you from loosing it. Best of luck to you hope these suggestions help you out alittle bit I am really sorry to hear of your troubles I am not a Dr but if you need someone to talk to email me I will do whatever I can to help you out friend. Gentle hugs
4 :
he jade dude , i really just wanted to say i really sympathise with you right now, my heart goes out to you , i pray you get through this, im struggling like fck myself at the moment , my muums ill, cant get around or be supportive like she once was , im isolated and alone in life ....even though your 3,000 milesaway i know im not alone , because your there to, i hope the best for you and this unfair shhty situation sorts itself out, im with you dude, best regards
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Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Why do I feel like a failure...why am I being hard on myself
Why do I feel like a failure...why am I being hard on myself?
Today was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I missed my flight to S. America in the morning. I've been playing this trip out for 6 months. I just graduated from nursing school and thought I'd give myself a travel gift for 6 years of hard work, sacrifice, and plain not having a life due to studying so much. I paid $3400 total including flight. I've never traveled before let alone been on an airplane. I planned this trip out for myself...a solo trip w/ a tour group. Couple of friends bailed out but that wasn't going to stop me from going. Well, since I wasn't too familiar w/ the rules I showed up 1 hr 40 min early and was turned away b/c I had to be 3 hrs early. My older brother wasn't too supportive...they said it is common sense...then how come they didn't tell me as they dropped me off the airport. It's easy to point the finger, but why didn't they speak up. I was ignorant of the rules. I don't know what happened but I started to be really hard on myself, was crying a lot throughout the day, and felt like a failure. Tried to find another flight but unsuccessful...there is one in a few days but I don't have the money to pay the difference in ticket...I honestly put my last dime on this trip so I had just the right amount. My parents are financially in a bind...they heard me sobbing over the phone but they could not help. Then I just started to pity myself...I hated myself for doing this today. I'm a beautiful inside/out as many people say but I'm alone b/c guys choose sluts over me....I'm "travel-less", and poor until I start work w/in the next month. Can't get a refund for my tour. Why was I so hard on myself? It's unlike me.
Psychology - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
That sucks! You're clearly being so hard on yourself because this trip meant so much to you. I know you're feeling bad now, but it only just happened to you and you'll feel better later. Ignore your brother, don't take him so seriously. It is your fault, but don't beat yourself up about it, it's happened, and it's not the worst thing in world. You'll feel better tomorrow. Good luck
2 :
Hey, I would've done the same. Three hours seem excessive. Don't be pessimistic, maybe it happened for a reason? There's a lot of gang war happening down there anyways, wouldn't want to get caught up in that. Congrats on your degree though! (: Cheer up
3 :
i can understand where you are coming from but you are being a little too hard on yourself. and pls, you're not a failure. you just graduated from nursing, give yourself a pat in the back :) you'll earn that money in no time as a nurse
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Today was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I missed my flight to S. America in the morning. I've been playing this trip out for 6 months. I just graduated from nursing school and thought I'd give myself a travel gift for 6 years of hard work, sacrifice, and plain not having a life due to studying so much. I paid $3400 total including flight. I've never traveled before let alone been on an airplane. I planned this trip out for myself...a solo trip w/ a tour group. Couple of friends bailed out but that wasn't going to stop me from going. Well, since I wasn't too familiar w/ the rules I showed up 1 hr 40 min early and was turned away b/c I had to be 3 hrs early. My older brother wasn't too supportive...they said it is common sense...then how come they didn't tell me as they dropped me off the airport. It's easy to point the finger, but why didn't they speak up. I was ignorant of the rules. I don't know what happened but I started to be really hard on myself, was crying a lot throughout the day, and felt like a failure. Tried to find another flight but unsuccessful...there is one in a few days but I don't have the money to pay the difference in ticket...I honestly put my last dime on this trip so I had just the right amount. My parents are financially in a bind...they heard me sobbing over the phone but they could not help. Then I just started to pity myself...I hated myself for doing this today. I'm a beautiful inside/out as many people say but I'm alone b/c guys choose sluts over me....I'm "travel-less", and poor until I start work w/in the next month. Can't get a refund for my tour. Why was I so hard on myself? It's unlike me.
Psychology - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
That sucks! You're clearly being so hard on yourself because this trip meant so much to you. I know you're feeling bad now, but it only just happened to you and you'll feel better later. Ignore your brother, don't take him so seriously. It is your fault, but don't beat yourself up about it, it's happened, and it's not the worst thing in world. You'll feel better tomorrow. Good luck
2 :
Hey, I would've done the same. Three hours seem excessive. Don't be pessimistic, maybe it happened for a reason? There's a lot of gang war happening down there anyways, wouldn't want to get caught up in that. Congrats on your degree though! (: Cheer up
3 :
i can understand where you are coming from but you are being a little too hard on yourself. and pls, you're not a failure. you just graduated from nursing, give yourself a pat in the back :) you'll earn that money in no time as a nurse
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Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Elder care Question help
Elder care Question help?
After a year of carin ( basically solo ) for my mom with cancer ( gave up my menial job shut off few social contacts ) on fri i apparenly fell apart dont remember much but she was put in a nursing home wo my consent Now i cant see her or no where she is my family has had contact is this legal. I have heard from realatives they will call me but 2 days they have not I have power of Attorney and mom is confused by the pain killers she takes. I am in vermont. Does anyone know my rights and assumin i could should i try and legally force them to see mom get her home or trust that she is bein cared for. Also her soc security is what keeps bills paid since i left work can nursin home take that even though it would leave her and me homeless. No idea if they have tried but worried bout it She is I have been told gettin hear treatments which ealier in a confused state she was balkin at. Up until now i have been drivin her the 60mi rd trip she is now closer as far as I know ( not sure where )
Senior Citizens - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
normally when a person goes into a nursing home and does not have the money to pay there way medicare will cover the first 30 days after that the state will take the ss check as payment and also attach any property in that person's name to be sold upon death to off set bills!!!
2 :
Sounds like the authorities stepped in to do what your mom would have never allowed you to do. Old, sick, folks get very belligerent sometimes and don't know what's best for them or their families. Don't fight it. Let her stay where she is. The nursing home will file proper paper work for getting her qualified for medicaid so that the nursing home bills can be paid. They have no such concern for you, and your mom is not homeless. You might be though. That means, if you don't want the lights turned off, find a job.
3 :
pardon big letters but GET HER ASSESTS FROZEN they can assign someoneoutside the family get a lawyer whateveryou call legal profession..been there done that good luck..
4 :
Forgive me, but the way your question is stated, it's a little hard to understand. I would suggest either spell check or stating a complete sentence. Questions like this need a lot of details. You do not state WHO put her in a nursing home, and with you having the power of attorney, this does not make sense. Unless she was not being taken care of correctly, adult protective services can step in at any time and take custody of her from you. Since you don't know where she was taken and what home she is currently in raises another red flag. You also state you were driving her 60 miles, but were you driving to her, or driving her to the doctor or? I just can't understand your question enough to give you proper answers. Again, it appears that Adult Protective Services has taken control. If you have Power of Attorney, you can contact an attorney and file proceedings to confirm control or her estate and her. If you fell apart and someone saw you do this, and you were reported to not be a good person or caregiver to take care of her, your rights could be taken away and courts will file to be in control of everything. You also do not state if you are an only child and hinted that relatives did this. Please supply more details - and see an attorney.
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After a year of carin ( basically solo ) for my mom with cancer ( gave up my menial job shut off few social contacts ) on fri i apparenly fell apart dont remember much but she was put in a nursing home wo my consent Now i cant see her or no where she is my family has had contact is this legal. I have heard from realatives they will call me but 2 days they have not I have power of Attorney and mom is confused by the pain killers she takes. I am in vermont. Does anyone know my rights and assumin i could should i try and legally force them to see mom get her home or trust that she is bein cared for. Also her soc security is what keeps bills paid since i left work can nursin home take that even though it would leave her and me homeless. No idea if they have tried but worried bout it She is I have been told gettin hear treatments which ealier in a confused state she was balkin at. Up until now i have been drivin her the 60mi rd trip she is now closer as far as I know ( not sure where )
Senior Citizens - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
normally when a person goes into a nursing home and does not have the money to pay there way medicare will cover the first 30 days after that the state will take the ss check as payment and also attach any property in that person's name to be sold upon death to off set bills!!!
2 :
Sounds like the authorities stepped in to do what your mom would have never allowed you to do. Old, sick, folks get very belligerent sometimes and don't know what's best for them or their families. Don't fight it. Let her stay where she is. The nursing home will file proper paper work for getting her qualified for medicaid so that the nursing home bills can be paid. They have no such concern for you, and your mom is not homeless. You might be though. That means, if you don't want the lights turned off, find a job.
3 :
pardon big letters but GET HER ASSESTS FROZEN they can assign someoneoutside the family get a lawyer whateveryou call legal profession..been there done that good luck..
4 :
Forgive me, but the way your question is stated, it's a little hard to understand. I would suggest either spell check or stating a complete sentence. Questions like this need a lot of details. You do not state WHO put her in a nursing home, and with you having the power of attorney, this does not make sense. Unless she was not being taken care of correctly, adult protective services can step in at any time and take custody of her from you. Since you don't know where she was taken and what home she is currently in raises another red flag. You also state you were driving her 60 miles, but were you driving to her, or driving her to the doctor or? I just can't understand your question enough to give you proper answers. Again, it appears that Adult Protective Services has taken control. If you have Power of Attorney, you can contact an attorney and file proceedings to confirm control or her estate and her. If you fell apart and someone saw you do this, and you were reported to not be a good person or caregiver to take care of her, your rights could be taken away and courts will file to be in control of everything. You also do not state if you are an only child and hinted that relatives did this. Please supply more details - and see an attorney.
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