Is it worth being a second wife to a man who is never home before 10 at night?
Been engaged for 2 years to a man who has serious financial obligations to his ex and children. I like his kids but feel as though I can no longer pay half of our household bills, he makes about 4 times what I do. I'm a full time student and I work but it is not enough money. I'm tired of being left alone untill 10 every night. For the last year I took care of his elderly father who recently went into a nursing home- because I'm no longer doing this he says he can no longer subsidize my cell phone and 40 buck a week health insurance. I know his kids come first but should he cut me a break on the cell phone and insurance untill I finish school in 2 years? I feel as though 100 percent of my income is going to our house. I have a child who lives with us that I support entirely but with my income I cant subsidize his kids to. He pays there rent, tuition, books, utilities on apartment, and the ex 2200 a month- altogether he pays out about 65,000 a year which leaves us with little and my child really poor. Should I move into a cheap affordable appartment and go solo? Before you bash me and say we are not married keep in mind I pay half the house expenses on a house that I dont own and never will also I spent the last year taking care of an 86 year old man with alzheimers his father and it was not easy. I'm really glad his kids have no struggles financially but mine does.
Marriage & Divorce - 8 Answers
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1 :
ya you shouldn't be with someone in his situation.. You are both going in different directions in life. You would be happier on your own for now, and meeting a guy who you can start your own family with when you're ready. I'd imagine it is burdensome to have his responsibilities and children forced on you.
2 :
idk where being home before 10pm fits in here. But if living with him creates financial stress for you and your child, MOVE OUT. like you said you arent married and its not your house. I think you need to reexamine why you are getting married. His kids and ex will always be a factor. Make sure you are marrying for love not for him to be the breadwinner. it looks like thats not gonna be possible.
3 :
I don't really think he should have to pay for your things. Because as you've mentioned he has children to care for. But he shouldn't be taking care of his ex. Unless they have some legal agreement. He isn't ever around, so yes move away and go solo. You may be able to get insurance for yourself and your kid and get help with bills and such through the assistance office. You'll have to check with your local one. Because it may vary from state to state. I don't know much about this relationship with him. Is he working all that time or just going out and having fun. Honestly you need to do what's best for your baby. And since your money is paying half of everything in his home, you need to get yourself out of there. It's not your home so I don't know why you're taking care of it. I understand helping out. But he also has to understand you're in school and have a child to care for. So your money has to go to taking care of your kid and you. Yes leave.
4 :
Your husband has it made.Did you ever think that you deserve better than that.Such disrespect on his part.When you develop some self-esteem you will see how easy it is to tell him to take a hike.Learn to love yourself and the rest will follow.You deserve more than being a slave to someone.Save your $$ and go.Run...Good luck.
5 :
To me it sounds like he's using you to help him out with HIS life. He doesn't sound like he really wants a romantic relationship with you. You've been engaged for a while now and he doesn't want to pay your cell bill because you're not helping HIS father anymore? That's selfish. I'm afraid that if you stay with him you will still be unhappy for the next 2 years. Not that the money should matter but that's a lot of money he's paying to his first family. YOU still exist. He has to remember that. Where is he so late every night? And what if you get pregnant and he has another child to support?? You have to think about YOUR child and yourself. I'm sure you can make it on your own. You have a good head on your shoulders and you need to start a new phase in your life...withOUT him. He's obviously not ready to start a new life with someone new yet. I really hope it works out for you. Good luck
6 :
You are truly getting the short end of everything, as is your child.. yes, I feel that it is time to move out on your own to find someone who does not have this much obligation and baggage.. he is not taking good care of you, and it does not look as though he values you in the same light as he does his other obligations.. you will be much happier with someone who can give more to you in many ways..
7 :
You aren't subsidizing his children. You are subsidizing HIM. I think you need to consider your childs future as much (if not more) than some man's financial needs. Sit down together, talk, review the household budget and take things from there. If he's not willing to compromise on something else for your phone and insurance you know you have other things to think about.
8 :
I would lovingly point out that you have said a lot of what you don't like and don't want. Have you put as much time into thinking about what you do like and what you do want? I think that may turn this whole thing around for you. When your goals are clear the path is clear and when the path is clear you will know if you are on the way exactly or if these things are all aside from that path. Is he supporting your schooling? Is there anything from this relationship that supports your goals? Do you just want to be swept away and on a beach somewhere without thinking of your future perhaps? Do you live each day reaching for an image that has no qualification or grounding in real life circumstances? I'm just saying your picture is a little lopsided. Where are the things you do want in relation to this picture? That's all. You can live through this if it's on the way to all the things you want. Good luck friend
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